Look At Me
by The Half Mad Muggle
Summary: That fateful night on the Astronomy Tower.


**Look At Me:**

_OK. I watched the end of the Half Blood Prince, for the millionth time. I heard the words uttered by the great Alan Rickman. And then I cried. Lots. So, I thought I would give the death scene a go. Let's see if it can make people cry like "Last Breath"!_

_It is 432 days until SeverusSnape19 and skaterkep meet today. This is written in celebration of that amazing date. She's going to dress as Snape. I might dress as Dumbledore._

* * *

_Severus. I need you._

He closed his eyes and leant against the wall. He knew that the call was near. He had seen Draco escape the Hospital Wing. He had followed him to the Room of Requirement. Now he was stood at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower, wondering whether it was too late to run. Disapparate and hide?

Because he did not have the strength to do this.

They had talked about it for weeks. How important it was. How it would save the life of someone else. How it would secure him in Voldemort's camp. But they had not discussed the impact it would have on him. How was he supposed to climb these stairs? His legs had seized, muscles locked.

_Severus, hurry..._

How he wanted to disobey. But he knew he couldn't. He climbed the stairs—and caught a glimpse of movement beneath the platform. Potter. Fantastic. This made things harder. He held a finger up to his lips, and the boy stared at him. The student wasn't sure of his intentions. To be honest, neither was he.

He swallowed. "No." He interrupted the scene, and stepped forward to stand opposite Albus Dumbledore.

_

* * *

__Headmaster._

He was relieved when he saw Severus Snape step onto the platform. His eyes were fixed on Harry, below him. The boy was scared, that much was clear. The next moments were going to be difficult for him. How he hoped that Harry would realise he had to stay quiet.

_Look at me._

They had talked about it for weeks. This was important. It would save the life of someone else. It would make sure that his spy would be safe in Voldemort's camp. But they hadn't talked about the impact he knew it would have on him.

Was he asking him too much? No.

_Look at me._

His eyes wouldn't obey. He couldn't look at him. His muscles seemed seized. He did not have the strength to meet that black gaze. Emotions were sparking from him, emotions that only he could detect. He was trying to cover them with anger and hate, but he could feel the heartbreak and pain.

He didn't want to hear the voice.

_Look at me._

He swallowed and raised his eyes, with the whisper of his name. "Severus..."

* * *

_There is no other way._

He wanted to question this, try to prove this wrong. But it was, he knew, pointless. They had discussed this, too. There was nothing else they could do. The only option. The only route.

He was the only one who could do it.

_

* * *

__There is no way I can do this._

He wanted to question this, try to prove this wrong. But it was, he knew, pointless. There was nothing he could say. There was nothing else he could do. This was the only option. The only route. It would be hard, yes.

But he was the only one who could do it.

_

* * *

__You must be quick._

Quick. Before they began to suspect. He did not care, he would take his time. He would extend every second, every precious minute. This was the last time he would see him alive. He needed to drown in the blue gaze, he wanted the sapphires to take his conscience and his heart with him.

But the gaze had dropped, back to Potter. Jealousy flared.

_

* * *

__Why won't you look at me?_

He couldn't stand the need in those black eyes. The obsidians were drowning in emotion that he could not resolve. How many times had he helped to calm the storms raging behind the irises? How many times had he sat by him and chased the nightmares away? How could he cope with the fact that he was the one who would cause the worse nightmare of all?

_Please. Look at me._

No. He still would not. They would have to be quicker now, he could feel suspicion stifling the cold air. He wanted to tell Harry not to worry. He wanted to thank Minerva for all her hard work. He wanted to see his students, one last time. He wanted to tell them that they would be safe. He wanted to tell them not to lose hope.

_Look at me._

There were so many things he had left to do. So much that he wanted to accomplish. He wanted to beat Voldemort, he wanted to see him fall. Yet this sacrifice was necessary.

_Look at me!_

He had to die. He had to be the victim. He knew the reaction. He knew the short term impacts. He knew what would happen the moment the curse was cast. But it had to be done.

_LOOK AT ME!_

He knew what it would do to him. His boy.

_I want you to look at me when you die._

He raised his gaze. He knew the word. He knew the spell that he could not refuse. He knew the key to the heart. He hated himself, hated that he had to use it in such a way. How he had fought to gain this man's affection and love, and now, he was going to abuse it. To get his own way.

And he would become just another casualty.

"Please."

_

* * *

__Why won't you do it?_

He steadied his voice. How could he do this to him? How dare he beg him? How dare he beg him to do such a deed? What had he done to deserve this? It was unfair.

_Please._

He couldn't stand him begging. That was unfair. How many times had calm and faith come from this man? Why was he the one to cause the storms this time? Why did he have to be the one that he called upon?

_Please._

No. He still would not. It was colder now, as if Death was stifling the air. One of them would die here, tonight. He wanted to tell Potter this wasn't his fault. He wanted to tell Minerva that he had no choice. He wanted to tell his students that the end was near. He wanted to tell them not to give up hope.

_Please._

There were so many things left that he had wanted to do. Enjoy another summer at Hogwarts. Find a better potion for werewolves. How he had wanted to see Voldemort fall. Yet this sacrifice was necessary.

_Please!_

He had to die. He had to be the victim. He knew what would happen next—the reaction, the short term impacts. He knew what would happen the moment the curse was cast; and yet, it had to be done.

_PLEASE!_

He knew what it would do to him. He knew the wound that he would inflict. Self inflict.

_

* * *

__Severus, now._

_I want you to see the look in my eyes when I kill you._

_I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry too. For being such a weak pawn._

_Never weak. This is much to ask._

_You never thought how much I needed you. Your thoughts remain with Potter. I am just another weapon to you._

_That is not true._

_I want you to see the look in my eyes when I kill you. I want you to see the damage that you will cause._

_This is necessary._

_Will I ever find peace?_

_Severus..._

_No. You have betrayed me, Headmaster. You profess to care. You do not._

_Severus!_

* * *

"Avada Kedavra."

* * *

It did not hurt. He felt...nothing. Even as he was thrown backward, nothing hurt. His mind filled only with one thing.

The death of anything that mattered in those black eyes. He suddenly realised the one other thing he had wanted to do.

He had wanted to tell him that he loved him.

Why had he looked into those eyes? Why would they be the last thing he saw?

Because that was his punishment.

"_I love you, Severus..." _

But he knew he would never hear...

* * *

It was nothing. He felt...nothing. Even as he turned away, nothing hurt. His mind filled with only one thing.

The death of anything that mattered in those blue eyes. He suddenly realised the one other thing he had wanted to do.

He had wanted to tell him that he loved him.

Why had he looked into those eyes? Why would they be the only thing he would see?

Because that was his punishment.

"_I love you, Headmaster..."_

But he knew he would never hear...

_

* * *

_

_Severus. I need you._

The request, again. Tangible, for once. He stood, back straight, knowing that the end was nigh.

He had to die. He was the victim. He was the necessary sacrifice. This time, it was him that was stopping the war.

The boy was close, and his friends. The war was nearly over.

_Look at me._

Another voice in his head, compelling him to look into red irises. He was not afraid to die. The eyes were veiled; he could see no emotions.

He would not see Voldemort fall; but he would be instrumental in his demise. Revenge, at last?

He was not afraid to die.

When the snake was released, he hardly flinched. The red eyes flashed for a moment with regret—and then the fangs sunk into his neck.

It hurt. He felt...pain. As he collapsed to the ground, everything hurt. His mind filled with only one thing.

This was the end.

Potter was by his side.

_Now, Severus._

He did his duty; conveyed his most precious secret.

He let breath fill his lungs one final time.

"Look at me."

_

* * *

_

_So. What did y'all think? I'd love to know reactions! I love a good one shot, and if you ever have any ideas for any one shots, let me know. Kati, Trepidation is still in the works.... Thank you for reading! SS19 x_


End file.
